Friendships are valuable gifts from Jehovah, providing companionship and support. Yet, even good friends can sometimes hurt us with their words or actions. What should you do when this happens? The Bible offers practical, clear guidance for handling such painful situations in a way that honors Jehovah and preserves peace.
First, consider the counsel of Ecclesiastes 7:9, which says, "Do not be quick to take offense, for the taking of offense is the mark of a fool." It is easy to become angry when hurt, but Jehovah encourages us to remain calm. Before reacting, ask yourself, "Was this hurt intentional, or could it have been a misunderstanding?" Proverbs 19:11 reminds us, "A person’s insight gives him patience, and it is his glory to overlook an offense." Overlooking minor slights fosters peace and shows maturity.
However, if the hurt is significant, Jehovah’s Word encourages honest communication. Jesus taught in Matthew 18:15, "If your brother commits a sin, go and reveal his fault between you and him alone." Approach your friend privately and respectfully. Explain how their words or actions affected you without accusing or harshness. Proverbs 15:1 emphasizes, "A mild answer turns away rage, but harsh words stir up anger." By addressing the issue directly and kindly, you increase the chance of reconciliation.
Even if your friend does not respond positively, remember Jesus' counsel to forgive. At Matthew 18:21-22, Peter asked Jesus, "Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus replied, "Not up to seven times, but up to seventy-seven times." Forgiveness is a vital part of Christian love and is necessary for maintaining peace. Colossians 3:13 states, "Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely if anyone has a cause for complaint against another. Just as Jehovah freely forgave you, you must also do the same." Forgiving does not mean condoning wrong behavior, but it frees you from bitterness and allows healing.
Yet, what if the friendship changes or grows distant? Proverbs 17:17 says, "A true friend shows love at all times." Some friendships can endure hurt and become stronger through resolution. But Proverbs 13:20 also warns, "The one walking with the wise will become wise, but the one who has dealings with the stupid will fare badly." If a friend consistently behaves harmfully or influences you negatively, it may be necessary to create distance for your own spiritual well-being.
Additionally, seek Jehovah’s help through prayer. Psalm 55:22 encourages, "Throw your burden on Jehovah, and he will sustain you." Pour out your feelings to Jehovah, asking for wisdom and strength to handle the situation with grace. Studying biblical examples, such as the friendship of David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 18:1-3), can also remind you of the qualities that make a godly friend.
Finally, maintain a forgiving and peaceful spirit, even if reconciliation is not possible. Romans 12:18 advises, "If possible, as far as it depends on you, be peaceable with all men." In doing so, you imitate Jehovah, who is "merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abundant in loyal love and truth" (Exodus 34:6).
In summary, if a friend hurts you, choose patience, honest communication, and forgiveness. Value the friendship enough to address the hurt, but also recognize when it may be necessary to step back. Above all, rely on Jehovah for wisdom and comfort. Through biblical principles, you can handle friendship difficulties in a way that brings peace to your heart and honors Jehovah.
About the Author
EDWARD D. ANDREWS (AS in Criminal Justice, BS in Religion, MA in Biblical Studies, and MDiv in Theology) is CEO and President of Christian Publishing House. He has authored over 220 books. In addition, Andrews is the Chief Translator of the Updated American Standard Version (UASV).
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