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What if My Friend Hurts Me? Understanding and Healing from Friendship Wounds


Friendships, while a source of joy and support, can also bring pain and hurt, especially when misunderstandings or mistakes occur. This chapter explores how young people can navigate these challenging situations from a biblical perspective, fostering forgiveness, understanding, and growth.

The Reality of Imperfect Relationships

Understanding Human Imperfection

James 3:2 reminds us that everyone stumbles in many ways. This truth is crucial in friendships, where misunderstandings and hurt feelings are often inevitable. Recognizing our own imperfections can help us be more compassionate towards others' mistakes.

The Amplification of Hurt in the Digital Age

The rise of social media and digital communication, as David's experience illustrates, can intensify feelings of exclusion or betrayal. Online interactions can often be misinterpreted, leading to hurt feelings and misunderstandings.

Strategies for Addressing Hurt in Friendships

Self-Examination and Tolerance

Ecclesiastes 7:9 warns against being quick to take offense, highlighting the importance of self-reflection in conflict situations. Reflecting on one's own sensitivity and tolerance levels is a key step in resolving misunderstandings.

Embracing Forgiveness

Proverbs 19:11 extols the virtue of overlooking an offense, a principle echoed by Mallory's advice. Forgiveness is a powerful tool, not just for resolving conflicts but also for personal peace and spiritual growth.

Considering the Other's Perspective

Philippians 2:4 encourages looking out for others' interests. Understanding the other person's point of view, even when it differs from ours, can pave the way for reconciliation and deeper understanding.

Practical Steps for Healing and Reconciliation

Communication and Resolution

Open and honest communication is essential in resolving conflicts. Addressing issues directly, yet with kindness and empathy, can prevent misunderstandings from festering and damaging the friendship.

Setting Boundaries

While forgiveness is important, setting healthy boundaries is also necessary. Boundaries help define what is acceptable in a friendship, ensuring mutual respect and understanding.

Nurturing Empathy and Compassion

Developing empathy and compassion towards a friend who has caused hurt can be challenging but rewarding. This approach aligns with Christ's teachings on love and forgiveness, fostering a spirit of grace and understanding.

Seeking Support and Guidance

In times of deep hurt, seeking counsel from trusted adults, mentors, or pastoral figures can be invaluable. They can provide a balanced perspective and guide one towards a biblical approach to resolving conflicts.

Building Resilience in Friendships

Learning from Experiences

Each conflict or hurtful situation in a friendship is an opportunity for personal growth and learning. Reflecting on these experiences can provide insights into how to handle future conflicts more effectively.

Cultivating Forgiveness and Patience

Continually practicing forgiveness and patience in friendships, as modeled in Colossians 3:13, is key to building resilient and enduring relationships.

Fostering Long-Term Understanding

Developing an understanding of each other's weaknesses and strengths can strengthen the bond of friendship, making it more resilient to future conflicts.


Dealing with hurt in friendships is a part of growing up and an opportunity for spiritual and personal development. By applying biblical principles such as forgiveness, empathy, and understanding, young people can navigate these challenges effectively. Learning these skills early in life will serve well in all future relationships, embodying the Christian virtues of love, patience, and grace.

About the Author

EDWARD D. ANDREWS (AS in Criminal Justice, BS in Religion, MA in Biblical Studies, and MDiv in Theology) is CEO and President of Christian Publishing House. He has authored over 220+ books. In addition, Andrews is the Chief Translator of the Updated American Standard Version (UASV).

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